Why do I do this to myself?

I go through all the photos on my phone and reopen wounds and feelings that I have long forgotten.

I say that I have moved on and no longer have any feelings for you. But is this really the case? Or have I just deluded myself into thinking I no longer do.

With Andy, we never took photos and I never bothered to take photos of him either. But with you it was different.

I have ones that others have taken, the ones you sent me, and the ones I took for myself.

It all started in the library. You asked me to study with you. At first I think we were both so worried about distracting one another that no-one dared to speak more than a few times within the hours we sat together. I tried so hard not to sit and stare at your attractiveness. But I don't think I thought of this as anything more than a mere friendship.

I wish it stayed that way. I guess I'm only saying that now as I know how things end for us.

Over the weeks, we opened up to each other. Endless hours of silence became hours of laughter and unforgettable memories.

You let me tie your hair, you brought me food, we ate endless amounts of tim tams, and at times we studied.

Looking at photos, it reminds me of the times we would book out G06 and sit there studying. I was always a distraction but then it never bothered you. You would always find an excuse to sit closer.

I made fun of you, and how an accidental bumping of hands became a joke.

'Gosh, if you wanted to touch my hand all you had to do was ask.'

I have an image of you lying on the floor, after falling from doing a hand stand. Or staring intently at your phone because you forgot to sign up for classes because you were out eating with me.

We went to easys that day, then messinas. We sat and ate icecream for hours. You sent me a stupid snap as you went to the bathroom. Life seemed so much more easier then.

That was the last of the images I took. I guess the more I hold on to. The more I will cause my self to remember things that I partially want to forget.

The photo of Defqon1 reminds me of the night I went out with you. And after you called me to 'stay safe' for my trip. And to say goodnight.

Though it may not have ended the way I would have liked. At least I am happy to have experienced nothing but good memories from you.

You set an expectation for me. I now know what it's like to be treated well. And I truly thank you for that. You opened my eyes to the beauty of what it's like to be wanted back by someone.

Even if it were for a short period of time.

As much as it pains me to say, I hope that you will soon be able to meet someone which you can share your kindness to.

Don't let it go to waste on people who do not deserve you.