Where is the logic

I didn't know how to feel, what to feel, and how to comprehend the words that he spoke to me that day.

I tried to act like it didn't mean to much to me. But how could it not?

I bottle everything up to a point where I am no longer able to function. I shut down. I stop functioning.

I became mentally and physically disabled.

For the first time in forever, I went to mum and I just cried. I felt stupid letting my self get to this point. For the people I love to see me in a such a state over a guy.

"I didn't think you cared about it too much"

That was the idea wasn't it?

I wanted to just ask where I went wrong. But at the same time too afraid I wouldn't like the answer.

Dean told me that I shouldn't blame myself for what happened.

Apparently he does this a lot. The moment a girl shows interest, then he starts to lose interest.

How does someone understand the logic behind that? So will he only be satisfied with a girl who doesn't like him back? Someone who plays hard to get?

I don't know why Dean is sorry for the feelings you couldn't express. But I'm sorry for not having feelings for you, Dean. It appears I only like guys who do not like me back either. Guys who are definitely way out of my league.

But then the moment he told me he lost interest in his ex. I should have guessed that it would only happen to me in due time. Why did I ever think I could ever change someone.

I was wrong. It seems like I will always be wrong.