Why

Why is it that I feel as if everything in my life is falling apart?

The people in my life tell me it can only get better from here. Where exactly is here?

I know others have it worse than I do, but complaining is part of who I am. Who would I be if I were to not complain about every stupid thing that happens within my life. I am selfish and a worthless piece of shit.

But to share this to the people around me is just a cry for attention. Attention I do not want, attention I do not need.

There is a part of me that enjoys the fact that I sit here in self pity, loathing everything and everyone.

How did I become such bitter human being. I haven't even hit my prime and here I am, a horrid, selfish, moronic asshole.

But maybe if I share the shit that has been thrown all over me the past couple months, maybe there might be some insight as to why I have become so bitter. 

Everyone at my first job seems to have lost all respect for me. I used to be close to the top in the hierarchy if there were ever to be one created, people respected me, I enjoyed my job and I was happier. Over time, rumours went round.

Stupid ones at that.

Jade is stealing my shifts.

Jade has been saying shit behind my back. 

Jade this. 

Jade that. 

I try to stay out of everyones face, but clearly that does no good. I have now finally reached the bottom of this stupid hierarchy. They treat me worse than the rookies that are as useful as the piles of shit a dog excretes.

Customers are even more horrendous to deal with.

"It is simple, how can you not understand that is 70 cents?!"

Simply call me an idiot and I would feel so much better at your stupidity.

My other job had essentially fired me. Told me not to come in for the rest of my shifts. 

I still don't know why.

Uni sucks. I'm so stressed and I don't even know what to do with myself. 

I have so many assignments due, so much information to cram and yet here I sit wallowing in what I call life.

Andy and I. Actually there was no Andy and I.

Essentially he was just using me and I somehow ended up as someones rebound, someone else's nothing. 

Way to make me wonder what is wrong with me.

I dyed my hair and my father screamed at me for 2 days straight because I am 'not allowed to do anything in this house without permission'. 

I AM NOT 5

I DON'T TAKE DRUGS.

AND HE SHOULD BE GRATEFUL I RARELY DRINK.

Never in my life had I just sit there and cry for so long.

It's like I bottled up everything to a point I could no longer act tough anymore. Didn't make me feel better considering I had to go to uni the next day with swollen eyes.

But why me.

Why now.