He That is Jealous is Not in Love

My mind is in a giant, twisting spiral of confusion. A few hours ago after work, i decided to do some quality stalking on Andy's ex. Little did i know, i would still be sitting here two hours later feeling like this. 

Should i be upset, or more along the lines of angry?

Shits if i know.

Exams are around the corner and only now have i decided that in order to keep track of my memories and experiences, starting a blog is the best way to go. I currently have a diary of sorts, but materialistic things don't last, they tend to get lost or destroyed.

Just last night i was talking to him and comments about his ex came up, he was intrigued at a photo he saw on her blog that he 'happened' to come across. It was an image of her and another guy which was assumed to be her new boyfriend. He screenshotted and sent the image to me.

Her url was visible so i decided to stalk this beauty out. How can i compare to someone who seems so flawless in every possible way?

At first i came across a few posts that caught my attention, they were of him. Post breakup feels. How betrayed she felt in him moving on and 'removing' her from his life.

The further i scrolled, the more i envied her.

She was basically everything i wasn't.

Then came the confusion, dated in august she posted about hanging out with Andy and staying over at his place. But when i met him, he told me he wasn't dating/seeing anyone at that point in time. I had so many suspicions that he was dating her, but was always told that they were just friends now.

In June, they went to Sydney together.

I was told it was booked before they broke up and he didn't want to waste the money that went into buying the tickets. But on her blog, it was to celebrate their two year anniversary.

I kept digging, furthering this feeling of jealousy. They seemed so perfect together and yet 'she was too high maintenance'. 

Yea, utter bullshit. 

He has invited her into his house, constantly went over to see her even when she was sick, made her breakfast, visited her at work, gave her flowers.... the list goes on.

Am i deluding myself into thinking there could be something more between us? Because right now, i feel like the rebound girl. Getting too attached to someone who just wants to play around.