Afraid

Why is it you never show anyone how you really feel? You hide away the truth, never expressing yourself he says.

I don't know. Though you're the first person to have noticed I replied.

Why is it I behave in such a way? It is not like I have opened up to someone in the past and in return was left broken hearted in the process. Maybe it is because there is a part of me deep down screaming that this couldn't possibly end well.

And subconsciously I have resulted to hiding my true feelings in fear of being told that I wasn't enough to make you stay. 

I'm afraid that if I open up too much, it will push you away.

Afraid of becoming too attached.

Afraid of loving you.

Afraid of being left for someone better.

You stare at me, expecting an answer in which I cannot give.

Trapped

I try too hard to make others happy, put their needs ahead of mine. I try too hard to fit into society, conforming to what is expected of me.

Why should I care what others think of me? Because all that has done is shove me into a corner from which I cannot escape. I'm  trapped in this cloud of judgement and no matter what I do I will never be enough.

I was never the favourite child. I was always the so called friend that could be forgotten in a blink of an eye.

I told myself that in order to be stronger, I did not need such attachments. I was wrong.
I crave for affection, for love, for the attention of those who do not deserve it.

Am I weak in saying that I want such things?

I have been hurt enough to know better, but then why do I feel this way? Is it part of human nature to love and want to be loved back?

Pathetic.